Sunday, 3:08 am CST… August 20th, 2017
I was sleeping, well trying to sleep. We finally seem to be getting somewhere with the rains in the past couple of weeks. Grass is green again. Allergies are kicking in.
Life is somewhat…normal.
But it still isn’t. For the past few weeks, I keep hearing, “Hey Kiddo” in my head. Like she used to say when we were younger. Mom was only 17 when she became pregnant with me, only 20 when my Sis was born. Maw was only 16 when she had Mom… I miss both of them so much.
They both were full of so much strength, neither realizing anything different than how do I try harder today? Neither was perfect by most people’s definitions. I knew them both to enjoy late parties and cuss more than most sailors. Unconditional love seemed hard to find in our family, but you knew no matter what each of them would stand between their family and danger, with nothing but a baseball bat and a look in their eye, “Bring it!”
Two years since your last breath Mom. I miss you now more than ever it seems. So much life keeps happening without you. I’m in college now. The Teen graduated high school. And Sis welcomed the most beautiful little girl. She has red hair and already seems too tenacious for this world’s expectations.
I’m sorry you couldn’t be here for this. I know people will say, “She’s watching over you” or “She’s always with you.” And I will appreciate their sentiments – But you’re not here.
You’re not where I can see your smile and your pride that through all the absolute shit we have plowed through in life, that your family would be doing amazing. We’ll continue trying harder everyday. Just today though, I’m going to cry. I’m going to miss you harder than I have before. I’m going to do my best to just keep going.