You remember the day you graduated from high school?  That moment when you can feel the world spreading out in front of you and images of success fill your head until you feel like you might burst. Even my girlfriend looked like she was covered in dreamy glitter dust.

Then the first apartment, independence. And the first utility bill with your name on it. Then the groceries, the car insurance, maybe college/maybe working full time, then the car maintenance. A promotion, more hours, more time, more energy, more “independence” is being chained. Then the kids, the house, the new bills, school supplies, and the whirlwind keeps spinning around you.

There’s always this lingering voice reminding you of what you wanted to accomplish. Article pops up on your newsfeed about how dying people were asked what they regretted and they talk about living passionately and spending more time with their friends and family – AND IT RESONATES AND STIRS INSIDE YOU…more bills, kids need shoes, house is a mess. Another story about how people should do what they love and money will follow and you’re barely making ends meet sometimes.

Finally you are have the money, you have some time, but you’re out of energy. And that voice is dancing around in your head, spreading fairy dust around trying to get you to remember what you wanted to be. You know that image has changed in 20 years, but you also know there have been some things you want to be now…

Here I am.  Sneezing on fairy dust and I want to be more to my family, my friends, and I recognize now – be more for me.

I want to live my life with intention, to execute on the plans and goals I have, to be the person I know is inside of me and achieve. I want to live my life by my design, not by defaulting to my environment.

For me, this is the exciting and yet extremely boring part of my mind! Design feels like it might mean less spontaneous moments. That thought has me running up a tree faster than almost anything. BUT, and this is a big but, I have discovered I have a lot more time for spontaneity when the “work” I want to accomplish is done.

Then what might my days look like?

Get up early to spend some time writing and reading.  Eat breakfast with my kids. Spend first hour of day assessing goals and next steps. Last hour of day is finishing up work and preparing for next day. Taking each kid out for some time where I can just listen to them and their lives. Spending time with my wife each week, rediscovering her passions. Planning the next family trip. Exercising each day, even if only a little. Budgeting finances to take care of all of the things. Home upgrades, spend an hour each week on the projects. Finish college, spending an hour each day.

You can see how this starts to pack up pretty quick…but it’s important to ME.  This is the life I want to have and while it may not exist yet, I will continue to chisel away at how to make this work. I will live by my design.

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